My Heart and I

I.

ENOUGH ! we're tired, my heart and I.
We sit beside the headstone thus,
And wish that name were carved for us.
The moss reprints more tenderly
The hard types of the mason's knife,
As heaven's sweet life renews earth's life
With which we're tired, my heart and I.

II.
You see we're tired, my heart and I.
We dealt with books, we trusted men,
And in our own blood drenched the pen,
As if such colours could not fly.
We walked too straight for fortune's end,
We loved too true to keep a friend ;
At last we're tired, my heart and I.

III.
How tired we feel, my heart and I !
We seem of no use in the world ;
Our fancies hang grey and uncurled
About men's eyes indifferently ;
Our voice which thrilled you so, will let
You sleep; our tears are only wet :
What do we here, my heart and I ?

IV.
So tired, so tired, my heart and I !
It was not thus in that old time
When Ralph sat with me 'neath the lime
To watch the sunset from the sky.
`Dear love, you're looking tired,' he said;
I, smiling at him, shook my head :
'Tis now we're tired, my heart and I.

V.
So tired, so tired, my heart and I !
Though now none takes me on his arm
To fold me close and kiss me warm
Till each quick breath end in a sigh
Of happy languor. Now, alone,
We lean upon this graveyard stone,
Uncheered, unkissed, my heart and I.

VI.
Tired out we are, my heart and I.
Suppose the world brought diadems
To tempt us, crusted with loose gems
Of powers and pleasures ? Let it try.
We scarcely care to look at even
A pretty child, or God's blue heaven,
We feel so tired, my heart and I.

VII.
Yet who complains ? My heart and I ?
In this abundant earth no doubt
Is little room for things worn out :
Disdain them, break them, throw them by
And if before the days grew rough
We once were loved, used, -- well enough,
I think, we've fared, my heart and I.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Do men listen when women complain? (another view)

Most of us realise that the communication styles of men and women are slightly different. When men complain to one another they are seeking an answer to a problem. The other male will think up a helpful answer to assist his chum and the conversation will be over.

When women complain however, their prime motivation for doing so may not always be what it looks like to a man who feels that he is on the receiving end of a barrage of negativity from a over wrought banshee. Woman use complaints not only to provide others with information but to help them off load and relax.

The clash between the different styles of communication between men and women comes when men believe that when women complain they have a big problem, and that solving it, which may require drastic change on their part, is what she is looking for.

When a woman isn't just complaining in order to let off steam she usually genuinely has a grievance. The grievance itself, as many men will no doubt testify, is often aimed at the male recipient. Once again a difference in communication can cause angst amongst both sexes.

When a woman complains to a woman she is able to identify the required action, whether that to be to sooth the complainers furrowed brow or to help deal with the body of the complaint and make changes.

What a man hears when a woman complains is a direct threat to his being, like a wound to his pride. He may feel defensive and offended, or simply stressed as the complaint which isnt dealt with turns into a barrage of metaphorical arrows.

However, what a woman thinks is happening is that the man is either avoiding responsibility for his actions as he doesn't care about her, or that he doesn't take her seriously. When a woman feels she is being made light of she is likely to repeat her complaint and add others too it as a result.

So, do men listen when women complain? Yes they listen for at least a few seconds until an automatic shut off defence mechanism kicks into action and they start trying out different escape scenarios in their heads, as the complaints increase due to being left unattended.

The fault doesn't lay with either men or women as such, and stems more from a lack of understanding about how the two sexes communicate and what is really meant when a complaint is made. However, men and women are not a different species and sometimes couples do learn to understand one another more readily.

http://www.helium.com/items/1417369-do-men-listen-to-women

Do men listen when women complain?

Do men listen when women complain, or do women complain because men don't listen? Effective communication is a two way street, with both individuals actively participating in the process. One of the biggest issues voiced by women is that men never listen. On the other hand, men feel that women complain too much. Somewhere in between, a happy medium must emerge before a healthy relationship can exist.

No woman wants to be considered a nag, but what's a poor girl to do? Men can easily get lost in their own world, and seem to fade a woman out when she's expressing something that's important to her at the time. Though a guy hears when his woman is talking, he has registered none of what she has said. Women do not like being ignored, so she raises her voice in order to better get his attention. He interprets this as complaining, while she is simply just trying to get her point across.

Men become absorbed in their thoughts or preoccupied by whatever has grabbed their attention for the moment. Unlike women, who seem able to multi-task without losing efficiency, men are more singularly focused, directing their mental energies to one thing at a time. Where women see the entire picture, men see only the details.

In a perfect world, these two contrasts complement each other. But, when boundaries are breached it can cause catastrophe. Men can often become focused on something other than what is important to a woman. When this happens, a man may hear, but not tune into what a woman might be expressing. This creates a boundary that hasn't been negotiated, and a wider gap in relationship communication. These gaps are eliminated by meeting at a threshold, and then coming to an agreement.

Communication boundaries are established in every relationship. No two individuals co-exist in perfect harmony forever. Unfortunately, couples don't always respect each other's threshold. Understanding relationship boundaries is the first step to reaching a communication compromise. Finding ways to communicate across those boundaries leads to greater harmony in relationships, and helps bridge the gap between men listening, and women voicing their concerns without complaining.

For women to stop complaining, guys must be willing to listen. Listening is not always the easiest thing for a man, especially when the topic is of little interest to him. Of course, most men don't think that women listen to them either, which is another problem in itself. But when both individuals take the time to understand and respect the boundaries of the other, both ultimately get what they want out of the relationship.

http://www.helium.com/items/1393404-relationships

Trust vs jealousy

Trust?

I've always told qili that trust is the least of my concern. Cheat on me and I'll gladly let my partner go. Mrs lau told me that if I love a person, I should try my best to make things work. To be concerned is one of the ways. My old 'cannot be bothered' attitude towards relationships should be thrown out of the window. 'cannot be bothered' is good. Saves me from being 'paranoid' and suspicious. Also, it's makes me a more accomodating person.

I remember that there was once when a guy who liked me took me out for dinner, he was very unhappy. I quarreled with him, accusing him of not trusting me. He very calmly replied that trust was never an issue. A person has the right to get jealous. He told me that I should be worried the day he stops getting jealous. Then he stopped.

Was that the reason why n broke up with me? He asked me if there was a difference between us being friends and us being a couple. I do not know. Maybe he felt that I was too bothered about all stuff but him.

Anyway, it's over. Bothered or not, it does not make a difference. Cannot be bothered is good. Saves me a lot of pain. Or just install a button in me. Push the button when you want me to be bothered. Whatever. Just be cool and accept whatever that comes my way.

Lord have mercy

I was talking to Jia that day about A's wife who passed away in labour due to some very rare complication. A's wife had been his goddess. I mean that literally. He worshipped the ground that she walked on and he had loved telling anyone who would listen to him about how they met and everything. In short, he was a loving husband and a great father (Not a very good boss cos a bit loh soh). All of us envied their loving relationship.

Jia told me that there has been spculations by the very staunch Christians that A's wife was taken away from him becos she was a threat to the affection that A had for the Lord (They are devoted Christians). They said that this is the Lord's test that A has to go through. It was like when Abraham had to sacrifice his son.

I do not want to think of the Lord this way (I think that's quite myopic). I believe that the Lord will not be so cruel to take away A's wife because he feels threatened. Today is Good Friday. The Lord sent his son to be sacrificed for our sins. I believe that the Lord has greater plans for A and for us.

Bruises

Yesterday, I tripped over a the leg of a chair when a child stood up. It was an accident. No, I did not smack the child.


This was how it looked like last night.


These were taken just now.




Anyway, I have not got such a bad bruise since I dunno when. I got it when I was playing catching then. I was trying to look for the picture of that bruise when I realised I was actually digging into things that I should no longer dig into.

I saw quite a few photos. I created a folder called "to be put away forever". Those days were not worth remembering in terms of hair, weight and complexion. Anyway the photo of that bruise is gone. I could not find it. It had healed.